Start Here - Advice for Planning Your Wedding
In previous lives, I worked as the creative director of a small business marketing firm. We did graphic design, website design, logo design, and even event planning. I have a bit of experience under my belt on how to make creative ideas come to life. After planning two weddings, I put together a collection of thoughts for my friends to help plan their special days. Take what works for you and leave the rest!
1) List the Important Things
Figure out the list of 2-3 things that are important to each you and your fiance. Make room in the budget for those, then make trade offs for everything else. If you have any other decision makers, like parents, ask them to make the same list.
My Important List:
Get married 6 months from engagement. I didn’t want to wedding plan for a year.
Daytime wedding, the earlier the ceremony the better. Our service started at 11am.
Have a band. Since we were getting married in the day time, I wasn’t sure if people would dance. I wanted a band so guest would have memorable entertainment (but everyone danced anyway!)
And, of course, I wanted to make our chuppah from a quilt
My Husband’s Important List:
Having his family rabbi perform the ceremony
Having his east coast family and friends attend (I tried to get him to do a micro wedding 2 weeks from our engagement day. That was very quickly shot down)
My In-Laws Important List:
The food (We tried to have a brunch-food wedding, but that was also very quickly shot down)
You can see that we all cared about different aspects, but once we knew everyones “important list”, we could respect each other’s feelings and start making decisions.
2) Decide Your Vibe
Having an articulated vibe helps you make choices. In wedding planning, you have hundredes of decisions to make, but you’re making them in isolation. Having a vibe (like a theme) will help all those decisions add up to a cohesive wedding day experience.
Extra advice If you’re a designer or someone in the arts - It is really easy to get carried away in all the little details to make your vibe come together. (…of course we need Swarovski crystals sprinkled across every table and custom embroidered monogram napkins under sprigs of fresh olive branches flown in from my family’s Italian hometown on each plate!) There are a LOT of decisions and they all add up to this final, beautiful day. But they add up financially too! Again, try to figure out what’s important to you and what’s not with regards to all these designerly decisions (See #1 above, Important Lists)
3) Get Feedback on Money Well Spent
I asked all my friends:
what they were happy they spent money on
what they wish they spent more on
what they wish they spent less on
Everyone said:
more $$ on photography (or glad they spent here)
less $$ on flowers
Ask all your friends who’ve recently gotten married. You’ll get a sense of how much things cost in your market, and avoid some mistakes they wish they hadn’t made. You can also ask couples from older generations. I bet a lot of them treasure their photos or wedding video, so their answers are hints about your “important list” items.
What did I do? I rented faux flowers. They’re ridiculously better priced, and you can get a lot more flowers. So the photographer you prioritized? Your photos will have a ton more flowers in them! The day before the wedding I spent $80 at Trader Joe’s getting real flowers to fill in my fake ones and give off a floral scent. No one had a clue everything was mostly fake. I rented from Vivian Grace Creations and the owner was lovely.
4) No Debt
Someone once told me “I wish what I spent on the wedding, I spent on the honeymoon instead.” I never forgot it because they were telling me what they wish they spent less on—the whole wedding—and what they wish they spent more on—a 2 week vacation together!
I was very lucky to have in-laws to cover most of our wedding costs, but we still spent $10k cash on our day. And if we didn’t have the financial help, we were headed straight to San Francisco City Hall with 10 friends and my $80 dress! (but have you seen City Hall?!)
Weddings are expensive, but they don’t have to be. The “the list” of important things will help you know how to focus your money so you can make the hard “no” decisions during planning. Trust me, you will have to say no. So, if you can’t afford it, don’t buy it and plan to save for what you actually want. Wedding vendors often show you the lowest cost, but additional services require additional fees, then there are taxes and tips on top of those fees.
Don’t start your married life figuring out a plan of how to get out of debt. After all, money issues is the 3rd most common reason for divorce.
—
Those are my best tidbits!
Everything I’ve said, you have to filter through the lenses of what’s important to you and your fiancé. If fresh flowers are your jam, throw out my faux flower suggestion. If you love the venue in Napa, but can’t get it for 2 years? Wait and save! Just remember to keep refocusing on what’s important - the two of you building a life together.
